Gryffindor Boys, Reunited!
by pottermum
Summary: Seamus has gathered his old dorm mates for a night at the pub to make an announcement. Ron is late, so in the meantime, at Seamus' prompting, they all confess something very personal. Rated due to male genitalia references.


Cheers to pettybureaucrat for his help on this one. Between google and him, the research on this one was a lot of fun. Does contain many references to the male genitalia, not intended to shock or offend.

"Harry! Over here!" Harry Potter grinned and waved as Seamus Finnegan called out his name from the corner table in the pub. He made his way to his old dorm mate, pleased to see Dean and Neville were already there.

"Glad you could make it, mate," grinned Seamus, toasting him with a pitcher of ale. "Of all of us, I figured you'd be the hardest to catch up with."

Neville poured Harry a beer and placed it in front of him as he sat. "Yeah well, the universe is smiling on me today. We closed a case today, and I actually got through all my paperwork. Kingsley let me leave early, and Ginny's home tonight for the whole week before her next match," smiled Harry, thinking of his fiancee. He checked his watch.

"Now, there'll be none of that. How often do the five of us manage to get together?" asked Seamus, signalling the bar tender for another pitcher.

"Five?" asked Harry, looking pointedly at the other three.

"Ron's hoping to get away in another hour or so," explained Dean.

"Right about the time I'll be leaving," warned Harry.

"You're putting your bird ahead of your blokes? Harry, Harry, Harry," groaned Seamus, shaking his head in a disappointed way.

"Damn right," said Harry, cheerfully. "Are we eating?"

Dean slid him a menu.

"Thought you'd be waiting to eat with Ginny," said Neville.

Harry shook his head, glancing at his watch again. "She'll be having a strategy meeting now, and they provide dinner," he explained.

A waitress came over, and they ordered some light meals to eat. "So, how's everyone been?" asked Harry. He'd seen Neville at the May second Remembrance Day at Hogwarts, but hadn't seen Dean or Seamus since before Christmas the previous year. "Did Lavender come with you?" he asked Seamus.

Seamus lived in Ireland now, returning to his family town a year after the battle. He had stayed in England to help Lavender during her long road to recovery, then the two had promptly married and moved to Ireland, where Seamus managed a local pub.

"Yeah, my Beauty is off doing what she does best, shopping," chortled Seamus. "Parvati and Padma are with her."

"Beauty?" asked Neville, moving the glasses so the waitress could put down the plate of hot chips and the bowl of nachos they'd ordered. "Are you her Beast?" he asked, cheekily

"That'd be this," said Seamus, grabbing his crotch. Dean and Harry groaned. Seamus had always been the most open about sex of them all. Most of their teenage sexual knowledge came from the magazines he hid under his bed in their dorm.

"What?" asked Seamus, grinning. "Jealous?"

"Hardly," grinned Dean. Harry and Neville smirked.

"Come on lads, 'fess up, what's your todger's name?" asked Seamus. At their blank looks, he added, "Or the name your girl's given it?"

"I don't have a girl," said Dean, thankfully.

"Are you still using that _'come up and see my etchings',_ line?" chuckled Seamus. He looked at the other two. "Pricasso here offers to paint them, if they'd come up to his studio so he can see them in his natural light. Au naturel, more like," he grinned, skolling his drink and re-filling his glass. "Pulls the birds all the time with that line."

"Pricasso," laughed Neville. "Good one!"

"What about you, Nev?" asked Seamus.

Neville looked uncomfortable, the laughter on his face dying. "Nothing. I don't know." He looked away.

Seamus turned to Harry. "Come on, Harry, spill."

"Sorry, mates," said Harry, shaking his head.

Seamus didn't appear convinced. "All righty then, back to you, Nev. Come on, Hannah's a bar girl, not some shy lass. What does she call your tallywhacker, Longbottom? Bet it's something to do with that snake, right? Nagini, wasn't it?" grinned Seamus.

Both Neville and Harry groaned. "That's disgusting," grimaced Neville. "Although, size wise..." He grinned at the others as he left his sentence unfinished.

Dean and Seamus whooped. "Ooh, Longbottom's bragging, is he? Come on then, big boy, what does sweet Hannah call her Nev's prick?"

A heat ran over Neville's neck and up his face. "Eclbr," he said, his voice muffled because he cupped his hand over his mouth, looking nervously around.

"Speak up, old chap, you're amongst friends," coaxed Seamus.

"Excalibur, okay," said Neville. "She calls it Excalibur, because, you know, the Sword of Gryffindor." He flushed.

Harry and Dean stared increduously at Neville, who blushed furiously as some women at another table eyed them all curiously. Then they, along with Seamus, burst into laughter.

"Bet she calls it a Shrivelfig after, though," winked Seamus, pleased to come up with a plant reference

Neville scowled. "I'm going to get another drink." He got up and went to the bar.

"Looks like we're back to you, Potter," grinned Seamus.

"Nope, sorry," said Harry. He and Ginny had a very physical love life, but he was not one to talk about it.

"Oh, come on, there's no men named Weasley here to do you any damage, you can speak freely," encouraged Seamus. He looked at Dean. "We know Gin's a fiery woman, we've all been at the end of her wand from time to time. Reckon that would follow into the bedroom, ay, Dean?"

Harry looked at Dean coolly. "Been giving this a bit of thought, have you?" Dean looked uncomfortable, and shook his head quickly.

"Come on, Harry, that was the old days, when Dean was seeing Ginny. What was that, fifth, sixth year?" asked Seamus, looking at them both.

"Sixth," said Harry and Dean together. "Her fifth," said Harry, quickly. Dean nodded in agreement.

"What did I miss?" asked Neville, returning to the table.

"Just reminiscing about the good old Hogwarts days when Dean dated Ginny for all of five minutes," said Seamus, toasting his two friends.

"Oh," said Neville, looking between Harry and Dean, sensing tension. "Well, Ron dated Lavender," he stated.

Seamus frowned. "Ay, he did." He turned to Harry. "So Harry, you and Hermione, you ever -"

"You don't want to finish that sentence," said Harry, evenly. "Gin's the only girl for me."

"Tell that to Cho Chang," grinned Seamus. He turned to Dean. "Hey, didn't you and Cho-"

"Shut up, Shay, and have something to eat," said Dean, shooting Harry an apologetic look. Harry shrugged. He couldn't care less about Cho Chang these days, or who she dated.

The four friends tucked into the food, talking Quidditch results and Ministry goings on. Harry glanced at his watch from time to time.

"I need to get going soon, sorry, mates," said Harry.

"Can't you wait for Ron? I've got a bit of an announcement to make," said Seamus.

"I guess I don't have to go _just_ yet," said Harry.

"How's the wedding plans going, Harry?" asked Neville.

"Molly's going a bit over the top, and it's driving Gin crazy. She keeps threatening to elope, which makes Molly worse," confided Harry. Personally, he couldn't wait for their wedding, to see Ginny walk down the aisle on her dad's arm, to say precious vows to each other, to finally be able to call her his wife.

"Only girl," nodded Neville. "It's understandable."

"Where's the honeymoon?" asked Dean.

"We haven't decided yet. Somewhere warm, maybe Hawaii," said Harry. The wedding was scheduled for early January, so it would be nice to get away from England's winter.

"You won't be leaving yer hotel room much, anyway," shrugged Seamus. "Hey, it's a honeymoon," he said, as Neville's rolled his eyes. "They'll just be shagging, doing the dance with no pants. Speaking of, you didn't tell us Gin's pet name for your meat and two veg," he said to Harry.

"You're right, I didn't," said Harry.

"Come one, Harry, it's just us blokes," whined Seamus.

"Blokes talking about our privates," reminded Neville, grimacing.

"We're mates, dorm mates, best mates" cajoled Seamus. "Longbottom spilled. What do you say-Tiny?" he goaded. Dean chuckled.

Harry grinned. "Not even close, Shay."

""Russel, the love muscle?" asked Seamus. "Basilisk."

"Seriously?" asked Harry, shooting him an annoyed look.

Seamus shrugged. "Worth a shot. I guess when you're older Ginny will call it your Elder Wand."

Harry nearly spat his drink up as he laughed. "I'll have to tell Gin that one, she'll love it," he conceded, checking his watch. "Speaking of-"

"No, don't go yet. Hey, here comes Ron. A couple of minutes, Harry, please?" asked Seamus.

Harry nodded, and they all welcomed Ron to the table.

"Merlin, I can't believe we were so busy. Sorry chaps, would've been here sooner otherwise. What did I miss?" he asked, pouring himself a beer from the fresh jug the waitress set down.

"I wanted me best mates to be the first to know. Me and Lav, we're having a baby. She's up the duff," said Seamus, beaming.

"Congratulations. Well done," they cried out, patting Seamus on the back.

Seamus looked ecstatic. "Great news, hey! We weren't sure if Lav could even get pregnant, and she has to be monitored closely but we've passed the twelve week stage, so we're starting to tell people."

"That's brilliant, Shay," said Dean. "I'm happy for you both, mate.

Seamus nodded, cupping himself. "The Beast is retired. The Sperminator has replaced him."

Dean laughed, while Harry half grinned, half grimaced. Neville and Ron looked confused. Dean and Harry quickly explained the Muggle reference to the _'Terminator,'_ a movie character.

"Sorry mates, I really have to go. Gin should be home by now," said Harry.

"Go on, then," said Seamus, good naturedly. "I'll get it out of you one day, Potter." Harry chuckled and shrugged.

"What are you and Gin doing, Harry?" asked Ron.

Harry stood and drained the last of his beer. "Flying," he said. He then winked at Seamus. "Gin loves to ride my Firebolt."

There was silence, then Neville gasped, Dean grinned and Seamus whooped with laughter.

" _Again!_ Merlin, she won't get off it, will she?" asked Ron, annoyed.

"What can I say, she loves it," said Harry, straight faced, despite the others laughing. He waved goodbye to them, promising to tell Ginny the good news about the baby.

Ron turned to them, scowling. "What are you lot laughing about? She flies for a living, and has a perfectly good broom of her own, but she comes home and she's on his all the time. Last week they were at the Burrow and she said she just _had_ to ride it, so those two went down to the pitch. Wouldn't even let any of us come to watch," said Ron, shoving a mouthful of cold nachos in his mouth.

"Like to watch, do you Weasley?" grinned Seamus. "Your sister riding your best mate's Firebolt." Dean was practically stuffing his fist in his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud.

"He won't even let me touch it," scoffed Ron. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" he asked Neville, who was wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"You don't want to know, Ron," laughed Dean.

"Say Ron, you have a pet name for your rod and tackle?" asked Seamus, curiously.

What?" asked Ron.

"Your willy," explained Seamus.

"Oh," said Ron, nodding. "The Bishop. It's a chess reference," he explained. "Cos, you know, it's about the same shape."

"What about Hermione? What does she call it?" asked Seamus.

Ron snorted. "You know Hermione, she's not one for pet names. No, everything is called by its proper name."

"Oh," said Seamus, disappointed.

"But the woman loves to research. When we started, she read the Karma Sutra cover to cover. Then we practised as many positions as we could," he said, grinning.

"Keep talking," encouraged Dean.

Ron shook his head. "We didn't get too far. I threw my back out after the first week. Was even off work for a bit. I tell you, the human body can only bend so far, no matter how much the brain says otherwise."

Neville and Dean sniggered. "Big brain or little brain?" asked Seamus, but Ron continued.

"Of course, George found out, took the piss. Then somehow Ginny found out, and Hermione was mortified that they all knew what we were doing. She's not used to a large family, where everyone knows what the others are doing," said Ron.

"What about Ginny and Harry?" asked Dean, curiously.

Ron shrugged. "I don't want to know about Ginny and Harry, all right. So if Harry told you something, which I doubt, keep it to yourself. Nope, Ginny can ride Harry's Firebolt as long as she likes, but I don't want to know about anything else."

"Well, lucky for Ginny, she seems to really like Harry's Firebolt," said Neville, winking at Seamus. Dean snorted.

"She even offered to polish it the other day!" exclaimed Ron. "Harry went all red when I offered to help him instead. I think he was embarrassed that she hogs it so much. It's like she thinks it's hers and hers alone, like it's her toy, to play with."

"Maybe she polishes it in a way Harry likes," teased Neville.

"What can Ginny do that I can't?" asked Ron, puzzled.

"I can think of one or two things," grinned Dean, nudging Neville.

"Maybe you could ask Hermione to polish your Cleansweep," suggested Seamus.

Ron snorted. "You know how she feels about flying. Nope, I have to polish my broom myself."

"Now that takes me back to our Hogwarts days," chortled Seamus. "Merlin, you lot were a bunch of wankers behind your curtains. At least Potter learnt a decent Silencing Spell, especially after he kissed Ginny in the common room," he chuckled.

Ron put his glass of beer down. "Are you saying Harry had _my_ sister in _our_ dorm, in his _bed_?" he asked, his voice dangerously low.

Seamus shrugged. "Ron, mate, it was years ago, and they're about to get married. Relax," he said.

Ron downed the rest of his drink. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Besides," said Neville. "He was probably just showing her his Firebolt."

Ron didn't understand why Seamus and Dean found that funny.


End file.
